Missing you a lot today

I miss being able to talk to you about anything and everything and having you just listen and not try to “fix” it. I don’t want to talk to the kids when I feel this blue because they will jut worry. I don’t want to talk to Ric about it because he is a fixer and it will just frustrate him and make him mad – although he tries so hard. I wish I could get a damn job and feel useful but all I get is rejections. Who wants a 60 year old broad with physical and emotional problems? I hate this so muc and tomorrow I will be at your apartment cat-sitting for Russ while he goes away over night and I will be surrounded by pictures of you and memories of being there with you. And this will be after I have gum surgery in the morning. Delightful. God, I miss you my Annie. And all I can think of is that some of the last words you said to me were that you were so mad at me – and I don’t and won’t ever know why. I am so sorry for whatever it was that made you mad, but I sure am paying for it now.

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